Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk. This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
A lot of things have changed in the past year. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how these things have changed me and the way I feel about them. From moving back home, writing new material with Skies, to seeing two of my best friends leave my band. As life tends to do, its’ been up and down. But I think I have learned a lot from it.
Moving back home has been so crazy. This has probably been the most up and down, and my opinion changes hourly. One of the biggest reasons I like is because I get to spend time with my brothers. As the oldest I feel like I need to be there, be a role model for them. I know I am a HUGE dick them sometimes, and they don’t always deserve it, but they are very important to me. It seems like my parents are so busy with work and other things that my brothers often get left out to dry, especially Jackson. That really bothers me. I try to be there for my brothers. Another reason I like living at home is because it is pretty comfortable.
I also hate living at home. One of the most satisfying feelings to me is the feeling of self-reliance. I like living on my own taking care of myself. I hate mooching off my parents, but right now, I have no choice. Another reason I hate living at home is that I hate they way my family fights (including me). I just want to be away from it. My parents can seem to get a long and I am in the middle of it most of the time. They ask me to pick sides and that is extremely unfair to me. I absolutely hate that. I also hate Smithville, there is nothing to do and it’s too far from KC to go hang all the time.
Things with Kellie are the best they’ve been since we’ve broke up in October. We even talk a couple times a month now. I think we both have matured a lot and are able to look at things from each others perspective. I’m glad. I get so frustrated at her sometimes, its usually about something silly, I just want us both to be happy. She means a lot to me. I think of the reasons i miss her the most is because she was always there for me. she always was there to listen. I knew i could count on her to give a shit. Now sometimes it feels like on one does.
As far as the band goes, I am really enjoying the newer stuff that Skies has been writing. It’s way more my style that Bane and Rebirth was. It’s more hardcore, fast and melodic. But I think some of the other members and I are butting heads with the vision of the band. I try really hard to be non biased, but sometime I think like my opinion is not valued, that I am less intelligent and therefore cannot contribute. I have something to say, things I am passionate about. It may just be me, I think I need to analyze myself and the situation more.
Touring is rad, I really love getting to tour around the country. I’ve gotten to see things I wouldn’t of seen otherwise. I love playing shows and getting to meet and see cool bands. My only complaint is that with my personality I have trouble being with the same people all the time with nowhere to go and no time to be alone. I just need to find a way to get my alone time and I’ll be set.
Lastly it’s been rough these last few months. Joe and J.Michael both left skies in April.
It’s seemed like nothing, just another set of friends moving on. That is something I’ve been dealing with my whole life, I’m use to it. But this time it’s different. They are two of my oldest friends. They mean so much to me and we’ve shared a lot together. They will always remain my good friends, brothers really. But they were the last of my friends from High School, from my life as a youth that I was in regular contact with. Now I feel like that chapter is over and a new one has begun. One of my favorite books is Tex by S.E. Hinton, the whole theme of the book is that some people stay and some people go. I am someone that goes. I can’t stay. It’s still hard to that part of my life end.
I know that I am not the best writer, and my thoughts are often uncollected and scattered. But I enjoy writing these notes. I feel good about it. Thank you for the people that read this, it means a lot that you take time to read my thoughts.
As a young person I am pretty fired up about almost everything. I have strong and clear convictions that I live my life by, without them I feel like i would be worthless. As basic as this might sound, I have recently learned that most people don’t have the exact same convictions as I do. Which is fine, everyone come to their own conclusions by their own experiences. But it’s the inconsistencies and that i just can’t understand.
Whenever I cuss around my Mom she reacts like shes just been hit by a bus. She refuses to even listen to what i am saying because it has just been nullified by my choice of language. She does things that just drive me up the wall as well. A few of her favorite shows are The Big Bang Theory, 2 and 1/2 Men, and 2 broke Girls. Now i refuse to be in the same room as a TV that is playing these shows for 2 reasons. 1. They are not at all funny. 2. I refuse to liter my mind with shows that are promote a lifestyle and mindset that absolutely abhor. Shows like these Objectify women, making them only objects for men to put their dick in. As well promote a lack of regard for others. The actions of the characters on these shows are motivated by selfishness. They do not think about how their action will effect anyone but themselves. These among many other things just disgust me. I can not stand poison myself with morals or lack there of in these shows.
How is it that my Mother is completely fine with watching and supporting these shows but will refuse to listen to me, her own son when I say fuck. Tonight it hit me. She disproves of Fuck because she finds it offensive, most people do. As far as the shows go, I realized that she only looks at it for face value. She doesn’t think about the what these shows are promoting because to her its all just something to occupy her mind before she goes to be. She only see these shows on the surface level. I think many Americans are the same way as my Mom. Why is that? because to look beyond the surface you have to think, and you have to know what you believe. In today world it is simple, easy and convenient to just glide through life without realizing what we are being told by the media, the government or the church. Why? because it’s safe on the surface.
When you give a shit, live by your convictions and look beyond the surface level you are force to live up to who you really want to be.
So I never thought that I would have a tumblr, I always though tumblr was for those really annoying 16 year old girls to write about their crazy hectic lives that resemble a Taylor Swift song. But regardless of my prejudice i am really exited about it. It a place where i can just share whats really going on and be open and honest, weather its like a T-Swift song, or more like The Acacia Strain. To echo a friend of mind, I don’t really care if anyone reads this, Its really just for me, but if anyone can take something positive away from what i have to say that’s great. So like I said, i am really pumped about Tumblr.